Sunday, December 14, 2008

5 things you should never do at your company Christmas dinner

This is not an elegant party at the Ritz. Ok, we don't even have anything comparable in this town, and the party is for dinner, at 7:00, on a SUNDAY EVENING. Kind of code for "Not much partying here, folks."

1. Do not show up already drunk. And then announce it to everyone. Didn't your mother teach you anything?

2. The only single guy at work is there WITH HIS MOTHER. No need to show all you've got, ladies. Besides, didn't we learn a long time ago that a man needs a little mystery? Oh, wait, maybe that's why I'm alone...I'm a little too mysterious.

3. If it's snowing, wear a coat. I don't care if you don't have a fur, which you wouldn't wear in the rain/snow/slush mix anyway. You've just ruined the red satin cut-down-to-there dress, and you'll sit all through dinner with water spots all over that expensive dress. Does that make you feel better now?

4. If you have to ask the woman next to you to move so you can get out to visit the men's room, there's absolutely no reason to ask her if she has a dry pocket. Because, if it's me, the first time you'll do this, you'll be met with a vacant stare. The second time, perhaps some nervous laughter. But the third, fourth, fifth and sixth times, she'll want to hit you with her shoe.

5. If you have to ask someone to dial your cell phone, because you've had too much to drink and can't read the numbers, please don't keep repeating the numbers over and over again, LOUDLY, while your incredibly patient coworker keeps asking you to wait a moment while she exits out of the message that she has 25 tweets waiting to be read.

Because she'll eventually give up and realize that catching up on Twitter is more interesting than anything else at the dinner party.


Anonymous said...

OMG, the showing up to the party with your mother comment made me laugh out loud!

Mrs. G. said...

I try to hide my drunkeness on all the major holidays.