Sunday, May 10, 2009

When plans change

When I was a little girl, I imagined growing up and having my mom always with me. Planning my wedding. Being a grandma. That, and so much more.

Then my plans changed.

Here's what I wrote last year:

A most troubling day for me.

My mom died when I was 10. I loved her as all little girls love their moms - with an unconditional and all-encompassing love. I remember the love of reading she passed on to me. The nights we'd stay up late, snuggling and watching Alfred Hitchcock movies. The way we ate artichokes, and the marrow out of bones. The way she cared for me when I was sick, or when I burned my leg when I was nine. Though it must have been horribly difficult, she cleaned my 3rd degree burn every day and convinced me I would live (since I'd heard that people with 3rd degree burns died, I was convinced it was happening to me). She was so beautiful. She was, really. She was a model, and started a modeling agency in LA with Nina and Virgina Blanchard.

The night my parents met at the Trocadero restaurant in LA, my father, the Russian, saw my mom across the room. The next day the "Daily Variety" had a headline that told what he said when he saw her. "My heart is on fire!" Big time.....

So, when Mother's Day rolls around, I used to just withdraw, because I get cranky. It got a little better after I became a mom myself, but I still MISS. MY. MOMMY.

This year started off very strangely. I planned on taking the kids to the coast, as my NCOA buddies were headed to Patrick's Point for a little camping and sea kayaking. Ok, I wasn't going to let my 6 year old, or even my 9 year old kayak, but I figured we could enjoy the camping and hiking.

But then my ex told me that his parents would be in town and he was keeping the kids through the entire weekend. Yes, he told me that. Didn't ask. Didn't discuss. Didn't consult.

After screaming silently for a moment, I calmed down. After all, my kids rarely get to see their grandparents on his side, as they live far away. And they have no grandparents on my side. It's really great they get to spend time with them while they're here.

So, plans changed, and I headed to the coast sans children.

Once there, I scheduled my sea kayak trip and also made plans to meet up with some old friends on the way home. Bonus!!!!

Great, great weather. Wonderful people. Amazing fun.

And then the ex called last night. Princess Jelly Bean was running a bit of a fever. I told him to give her some acetaminophen and I'd call in the morning.

This morning she was running a temp of 102 and coughing.

So my plans changed again.

I THREW all my camping gear into my car, took a very quick shower and started home, trying to drive carefully while really wanting to DRIVE. LIKE. A. CRAZY. WOMAN. to get home. The roads are windy, and I needed to get home to my daughter in one piece.

So now she's sleeping on the couch, and I'm posting here. Wondering how I can teleport everying out of my car into the house and garage.

And did I mention I broke a tooth this morning? I'll be calling the dentist tomorrow, though I can't actually go until Princess gets better. See, even though her dad's not working right now, he's going to be golfing tomorrow, so I get to stay home with her. We'll snuggle and watch movies, and I pray she'll feel better.

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