Monday, January 21, 2008

Tales of a Princess, or - The One that Got Away

So, if you read my previous rant, my little princess got head lice a couple weeks ago. We determined that she acquired them at the elementary school where the local YMCA puts on their non-school day care over Christmas break. After nearly going crazy, we took her to a fabulous place called "Nit Zero." Clever, isn't it? Well, the folks who own this place DESERVE A FREAKIN' MEDAL!!!!! They are nice, and patient, and great with kids...and they will COMB YOUR CHILD'S HAIR UNTIL NOT A NIT REMAINS!!! I'm not kidding - they are fabulous. They have these ginormous magnifying glass thingamabobs with lights - I swear I could see right through the hair shaft into my daughter's brain! They also checked the rest of the family, and gave me the right info for what needed to be cleaned (and what was just a waste of time) at home. And bonus - Emme's hair was left soft, shiny, and smelling great.

Today, I had to take her back to the school where she got lice - it's the day we celebrate the life and dream of Martin Luther King, Jr. First time in 7 years I haven't taken my kids to a march, but I have to work today. Anyway, this morning I braided, wrapped, clipped and hairsprayed her within an inch of her life. Those bugs will not be able to grab hold of anything!

The other day she was sitting at the table, coloring and practicing her letters. How many times to I have to spell princess before she learns it? Anyway, I was in the kitchen, chopping something, when she asked me to spell kissing. I told her she already knew that one. Remember? Brad and Angie, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. Of course she knew it. I asked her why she wanted to know this, since she's only 5 years old, and won't be dating for at least 2 years. Or 20, I haven't decided. And this is what she said.....

"Mama (I love the way she says this...almost with a French accent), you need a new boyfriend to kiss."

Uh oh. Remember one of my resolutions? No dates in 2008? How do I tell my princess that I've had crappy taste in men since her father? That I haven't had a date in three months and can't be trusted to be alone with a man at this point, because I'll probably do things to him I hope she never learns? Okay, maybe she can learn them, I want her to be happy, but I DON'T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT IT!!!!

So, of course, I use the old mommy technique of looking her in the eye, taking a deep breath, and smiling at her. And waiting for her to go on.

"Mama, I want you to have a boyfriend so he can come over for dinner. You are a fabulous cook." Hey, I'm not making this crap up - she has an excellent vocabulary. "And so you won't be lonely when we're at daddy's house."

I knew at this point I would have to answer her.

"Well, Emme. I guess I haven't found the right guy to go out with."

"Oh, mama, I found a good one for you at Burger King the other day when daddy took us there, BUT HE GOT AWAY!"

1 comment:

Hal Johnson said...

Ha! People who don't have kids can't believe some of the things they come up with if they're not present. That's just too cute.