2008 - Will it be great???

Okay, so my last post listed my resolutions. This one will recap the year to date. Yes, I know we're only nine days in, but a lot has happened.

I got a flat tire. Actually, this happened New Year's Eve day, but I'm counting it anyway - you'll see a pattern later, I promise.

My septic tank backed up. FOR FIVE DAYS. I rent, and my landlord came out twice before he actually called in a plumber. I don't know if you've ever lived with a septic tank, but believe me, this isn't pretty. Wednesday morning I'm taking a shower thinking the drain was a bit slow. Thursday night I ran the dishwasher after dinner and both toilets, the bathtub and the shower filled up with the stuff that normally lives unseen in a septic tank. A roiling broth of bacteria, excrement, and who knows what else, but I swear there were creatures in it that called out in the night. AND GLOWED IN THE DARK.

How does one deal with this, you might ask? You use no water. None. Okay, I did brush my teeth. And I could do things like fill up my coffee pot or a glass, as long as no water made it's way down the drain. I made my kids pee in the backyard. They thought it was hysterically funny. Couldn't do laundry. Couldn't wash dishes. Had to go to the gym or to friends' houses to shower. Burned a lot of candles. A slew of candles. A veritable plethora of candles. My home smelled like cranberry-evergreen-black cherry-cherrywood (what in the hell is that, anyway?)-vanilla-pina-colada CRAP. BECAUSE NOTHING COVERS UP THE SMELL OF SHIT!

And my daughter's head itches. BADLY. Now, I'm enough of a woman to admit that we have indeed suffered lice in my house before. I have a 5 year old and a 7 1/2 year old, and my youngest got the creepy crawlers last spring. I know what they look like. She doesn't have them....and that's been confirmed by my ex-husband, the school nurse and three separate child care workers. And I have to go to someone else's house to wash her freakin' hair!

Friday rolls around with the biggest winter storm in years. I got home from work to find my power was out. Guess what? I HAVE A FREAKIN' WELL!!!! No electricity means you can't even run water to drink! I.love.county.living.

The power did come back Saturday. I only lost the stuff in my refrigerator - the freezer was packed full, so it was okay.

Monday - finally, Monday, the septic was repaired. Tree roots had taken up residence in the leach lines. So Monday night I got to clean up crap, scrub, sanitize, disinfect. If I could have blasted the bathrooms with nuclear rays and it would have worked - I would have done it.

Three loads of dishes and five loads of laundry later, I think I'm caught up.

Then I got another flat tire. This morning. On my way to work.

And the dandruff shampoo I've been using on my daughter isn't doing a damn thing for her itching, though her hair is lovely and I swear it's all of a sudden got a bit of a wave.

Tonight, I drink.